Shake it up, shake it up, all I do is shake up people's lives. Jeeeez. What a blow to the self-esteem.

Anyways, this curse of empathy will someday cause much larger problems than the inability to sleep in the AM or PM hours. It seems I wake up every 2-3 hours with my heart racing. Of course this morning I woke up and decided to cut my hair? Yesterday it was apply to a college 2000 miles away. I wonder if its better to be up than to be down.

Here's the first poem of 2009.

The scent of freesia, orchids,
lilies of the valley,
flowers of the summer,
fills my nostrils, cutting off thoughts to my mind.
Possibly mango-papaya,
take your pick.
I'm expendable;
I'm pliable, putty in your claws.

[A doll dressed up in lace and leather,
Easy to love, but you like her better.]

The wings I prayed for for so many nights
have grown in and are exposed
a wondrous display of my shoulder blades.
They leave feathers on my bed while I sleep.

[I used to be jealous of butterflies,
I wanted my own piece of that sky.]

Freedom is merely a meaningless word,
and flying through the sky is pointless.
Sooner or later, every butterfly is caught in a net
by someone trying to prove their worth.
All to eager to crush your wings,
Place you between two pieces of glass.
Consider you a trophy, and place you on a shelf,
in between an army of broken porcelain dolls.

I wonder who that's directed at.. somebody who's life I've shaken up horribly since last April?

Fuck you. My life got shaken and stirred.